A Lesson in Life.

1991: I am ten. I was in 5th grade and we had all just come back from after lunch recess.  My 5th grade teacher was standing in front of the class with one of my schoolmates Lainey Thompson.  Mrs. Galbreath said she needs a volunteer and we will probably miss social studies and possibly math. I hate math. My hand shoots up!

"Ok, Susan, you can help." She picked me! I was so happy. For two seconds and then the doom set in.

She informs me that Lainey has left her retainer on her lunch tray and threw the whole lot away.  I had just volunteered to help her dig through the dumpster to look for it. I don't remember a lot of things from 5th grade. I remember Mrs. Galbreath showing us a tampon during sex ed (horrified!) the principal making me cry (douche) Mom making the principal very sorry for making me cry (Supermom!) and looking for that retainer.

We went down to the cafeteria and the lunch ladies gave us plastic aprons and gloves and then opened the front of the dumpster so we could start digging through the trash bags.  I don't remember what lunch was, but I do remember it was chocolate milk day. I could tell Lainey felt bad, but she was getting no sympathy from me. This was disgusting.

We both just stood there outside the dumpster waiting for the other one to climb in.  She kept saying things like "This isn't so bad. We will find it in no time!"  I wasn't convinced. Finally she gingerly climbed in there and started to open the bags. I was mortified. What if someone sees me?  I thought about just swinging that door closed with her in it and walking home. But she looked so sad and pathetic in there I finally caved in and started to help look.

It was an effort in futility though because everything was drenched in thick, mucusy chocolate milk. I thought I found it every 30 seconds. Nope, orange peel.  Nope, yogurt top. Nope, something unidentifiable.

After an hour of digging in 95 degree heat with the chocolate milk starting to turn, I had had enough. There is only so much dry heaving one can do before you think "I didn't throw my retainer away. Why am I here?" I told Lainey I was done.  And here's the kicker.  She gave up then as well, so we never even found that stupid retainer.

Lesson: Never volunteer for anything. Ever.

Oregonian Gurls, we're unforgettable...

Brown Ugg boots with sweat pants on top.

Sometimes I do this.  To make popular music more accessible to myself.  I mean seriously, I don't care how great of a body you have, what do you wear more of, bikini tops or sweat pants...  'Nuff said.

The first time I saw someone write 'Nuff said, I thought "Nuff said what?"

I have a special spoon exclusively for eating pudding.  It's a Gerber baby food spoon I found in my keepsake box.  I has a little imprint of the Gerber Baby on the handle and it's great for eating tapioca.

My favorite pudding is Tapioca.  I love those little cloudy nubblets.  I don't know what they are but they kind of look like the gross things you sometimes find in pepperoni, but they aren't gross, they are delicious.

When I first saw "The Departed" I had to keep calling my dad to ask what the derogatory words meant.  I had never heard half of them and the half I had heard I didn't know if it was derogatory toward the Irish or the Italians.  How's that for good parenting?

My nephew Andy plays the piano.

He plays really well.

And I'm posting my first video!

Please don't forget about my giveaway!  Deadline doesn't end until Sunday!

The island of unwanted toys.

Or more appropriately, the chest of unwanted crafts.

Oh where do I begin? I have a chest. It sits in my living room. It doubles as a coffee table. I painted it blue last year with my sister. From the outside it is cute and functional.

But on the inside, like many things, it holds dirty little secrets of shame.

On top there are a couple skeins of yarn I'm currently making a project with, so that is ok, but on both sides you can start to see the signs of shame. Failure. Rejection. Horror. Sheesh, I hope nobody finds this crap after I die.

Dig down and you will find some patterns.



And then we come to the projects. Here is the first one. It's big. It's about half way finished. It's double crochet. It's... it's... it's....

depressing.


There are a few reasons why this one ended up on the island. My skill level improved. I ran out of that gray yarn. I realized I didn't need a giant double crocheted blanket. But after all that work I couldn't bear to give it up.

Ah, number two.


Number two is a knitting project. I learned a lot of valuable lessons with this failure. Knitting is hard. Knitting is unforgivable. I'm not sure I like knitting so much. Which is why this project is still attached to the needles and in the chest.


Number three is probably the oldest one of the group. I had just learned how to crochet and went out and bought two skeins of really pretty yarn. It took me forever to finally finish those skeins and when I went to buy more they didn't have any. So I tacked on some white.


And then gave up.


I actually really like these colors and would really like to finish this blanket. I should see if I can match the colors online.

Number four is the newest member. I actually have the yarn I need and it is almost completed, so I think we may see this one completed someday.


I'm actually really surprised all those things can fit into that chest. Although they don't fit as well now that I pulled them all out.


Ugh. It's just sad really.


Ah. That's better.